Memories
by twpodaw
Summary: Hatori/Shigure friendship fic, my first fanfic so sorry if it sucks. Please review! :


People didn't last forever, that was common knowledge among doctors, but there are times when I wish they did. There are other times when I wish I could've erased my own memory, whatever help that would be to my slowly dying heart. Sure, it might cut out the pain that swelled up inside me, building up until I was surprised that I didn't explode from the stupidity of it all. I was stupid for falling in love with her; she was stupid for accepting me. Akito was, perhaps the least stupid of us all, and no matter how much I tried to convince myself otherwise, I knew it was true.  
"It's not your fault." I had heard those words so many times in my life that they were becoming even more meaningless to me. I knew they were meant to make me fell better, but underneath I was sure that I deserved what I had gotten. As many people knew, once I formed an opinion that strong it was almost impossible to sway me.

It wasn't entirely my opinion either. Akito was the one who had originally formed the idea that none of us would fall in love, that we would remain alone forever, and me being who I was, I was in no position to disagree. After what had happened, I wasn't sure I would continue on, despite what my inner judgment told me. thinking back on it now, I'm not sure how I pulled through it, there were so many times when I thought that I would never be able to heal myself from my own pain, and that was true, I would never truly get over that incident. It would always be there, somewhere, stuck in the back of my mind, occasionally slipping into my nightmares, or bringing up painful memories that forced themselves to the surface of my consciousness. She would always haunt me, but I had pulled through that time, on one small strand of hope that stayed with me through it all, and was still here, helping me, and forcing when need be, to go on.

I stared at the article in front of me, not really seeing it. Images of her were playing behind my eyes, limiting my view to that of the past. With a sigh, I looked up unable to concentrate, and instantly regretted it. Looking out the window, I realized that snow was falling thick and fast, covering the ground with a think blanket of pure white magic. Or at least that was what it was to most people. I lowered my head, squeezing my eyes shut, and attempting to block out the voice that sounded in my head and the one small question that flickered into my thoughts as if right on cue. "What does the snow become when it melts?" I tried unsuccessfully to swallow the lump in my throat. A shudder ran through my body, bringing with it a fresh bought of painful memories. I don't know how long I sat there, blinking back the tears which threatened to overflow and letting the memories take hold, but I didn't notice the quiet foot steps or the knock on my office door, which went unanswered. The knocker finally appeared to loose patients and the door swung open.  
"Hatori, guess what?!! I-" Shigure's overly excited voice broke off, and I could feel his gaze resting on me, but I didn't look up. I knew that if I did so, I would have to look out the window, and I that if I did, I wouldn't be able to keep myself from breaking down.  
"'Tori, stop it." his voice was filled with concern that was uncharacteristically soft for him, which was probably what pulled the final straw in me. Tears began to stream down my face, my left eye burning at the contact with the salty substance. She was gone, lost to me forever, and it was my fault. It was my decision to make when it came down to it, and it was the right one. But I was beginning to realize that my own selfishness was getting the better of me, she would be ok, she wouldn't have to suffer any of the pain that I was, and for that I was grateful. But right now, I wasn't sure I could handle it, wasn't sure I could hang on. I would never see her again, never... I felt a hand on the side of my face, a thumb brushed gently across my cheek, breaking the seemingly continuous flow of tears. Shigure pushed the hair out of my face, exposing my bad eye, and I shivered involuntarily.  
"You can't blame yourself for loving her." he murmured softly. he knew exactly what I was doing, and knowing Shigure, was going to do everything in his power to stop me, I wasn't sure I was strong enough to resist. And deep down I knew I didn't want to. With a shaky sigh, I leaned forward, resting my head on his shoulder.


End file.
